Milestones are all relative

In thinking about milestones I am struck by the thought that what one person considers to be a milestone might not be considered as a milestone by another person and does anybody actually care if we don’t reach the “right” milestone at the “correct” age and in the “proper” way. Don’t get me wrong, I realise that parents probably care if their babies are reaching these milestones or not but I don’t think it matters that it took me until age 19 to be able to take myself to the toilet, or that I can only do it at home and not out in public, what matters is I can do it.

I also see this blog and more importantly, this post, as a milestone because it means I am finally comfortable enough as a person with a disability to not only acknowledge the fact I am disabled but to share my thoughts and feelings about it.  Most people probably don’t get why this is such a big deal, but it is a big deal to me. I guess that’s my point, milestones are all relative to who the person is and where that person is in their life regardless of whether the person is disabled or not.

Questions, questions everywhere but not many answers

Recently I have spent time with young children, which isn’t something I do a lot of. With young children come questions and sometimes (actually most of the time) I am not sure how to answer their questions. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that they ask the questions because it gives me the opportunity to teach them in the hope that they will grow up to be more tolerant of people with disabilities, but I am just not sure how to answer them.

Take the other day for example. I was with a friends 4 year old boy who I’ll call T. We had the following conversation.

T Why are you in that chair?

K Because I have cerebral palsy and that means I can’t walk like you can.

T why?

K because my legs don’t work properly

Now the next why? Was the first place I got stuck. How do you explain the mechanics of CP to a 4 year old even if they are a bright 4 year old? I was saved from answering when T’s mum came back but I would have liked to answer him. I just wasn’t sure how to?

Later that day T and I had another conversation about how I did stuff like sleep & eat and play games and I was fine answering it all until he asked how I went to the toilet. While the obvious answer was the same way as everybody else I knew that was not exactly what T meant. I took him into the bathroom and showed him how I transfer to and from the toilet. Then the questions started again? Why do I need rails? What happens if I fall down? What if my mummy and daddy aren’t home?  While T seemed to be satisfied with the answers I gave him to those questions, I wasn’t. I felt I could have answered them better but I am not sure how.

How do other people answer children’s questions?